Another fantastic week - while not as many lead changes on Sunday, or as many close matches, there was plenty of excitement and story lines to go around. Week 3 Results: Warthog's Wackjobs (5), thaRalphies (3) Like clockwork, Antoine Walker returned to normal this week, allowing Warthog to pull out the victory. It could've been 9-0 if not for Matt Harpring forgetting that he's Matt Harpring, not Kobe Bryant. Dampier also played out of his mind, and Ben Wallace got a couple blocks on the final day to snag a tie and prevent a 4th loss for Ralphi. Ralphi's strategy backfired though, as he assumed victory in blocks and rebounds and wanted to give up assists. Warthog cut him off at the pass and beat him at his own game. He decided to drop all of his inactive players for power forwards who do nothing but block and rebound, and start ballhogging guards who never pass. So we'll leave it at that, Ralphi getting knocked off his trash-talking high horse and #2 spot. We'll conveniently leave out how Ralphi absolutely dominated Warthog in the Sleeper League by a score of 9-2, and how Wart went to his mom's house to cry and look for support. And the part where he still lives at home and has his mom do his laundry and read him bedtime stories. We won't mention any of those things. Promise not to quit (6), Slippys Sandbaggers (3) Professor forgot to change his team name to Promise not to suck, and Slippys Sandbaggers were simply sore, stunned, shocked, and spanked. No amount of alliteration could accurately describe it. Slippy had a comfortable 5-4 lead going into the final day, but took the sandbagging a little too far. This was a case where having too many players on the same team was a blessing, as Professor took over in points and blocks on Sunday while Slippy had Odom trying to hold off 6 guys by himself. He put in a valiant effort but Nocioni randomly hit six 3-pointers while scoring 30 of Chicago's 72 points. I'm not sure how that happened, but that should teach Slippy a lesson in Sandbagging, which he won't be able to do this week against the #1 sprockets. Awesomeness...I hope (6), Aurora Kimmie Lights (3) So close, yet so far away. Aurora's Waiver Wire Commandos went into Sunday only a few points down in several categories, but...neither squad had any guys playing Sunday so she couldn't catch up. She put up a valiant effort in the 3-pointers category, barely losing to a squad of 3-point specialists (Korver, Fisher, Peja, Richardson). After the 6-3 loss, Adam Morrison could be seen crying in front of a large crowd. What a wuss. Linwood, despite winning 6-3, wasn't happy that he didn't win by more. "She's playing a bunch of guys that everyone else is using in the sleeper league, I shoulda won 9-0" was one of his responses in the post-game interviews. Aurora's Sleeper League Savages are looking to rebound against the Wackjobs in Week 4. sprockets (5), bball_future (4) Somehow, Future Potential almost beat Current Production!! How did this happen? Could the future be here sooner than planned? How did Jay's team survive another week without any injuries? What higher power is at work here? Hell, even Darko managed to have one good game statistically, thereby validating his next-Jordan status to the 5 Orlando fans on the forums, who routinely masquerade as fans of the Pistons. Maybe you've seen them around. What probably happened was dba's nerds got intimidated by a mobile, 7-foot shot-blocking center with Euro range, Cowboy toughness, and a penchant for getting window tint tickets. When Darko was asked how he felt after putting up his only statline of the year that wasn't god-awful, his response was "I kick a touchdown." Tater's Terrors (5), ChipsOnPistons (4) Ohhhh...who called the upset?? Tater karma'd himself into an apostrophe-tastic victory while the Pistons started the week saving themselves for the playoffs. By the time they realized the playoffs weren't a guarantee and started playing all 5 starters 48 minutes a game (also predicted), it was too late. Tater really stepped up production with a whopping 641 points and 131 assists, a rare combination of selfishness and selflessness that left Chips confused. Tater calls this the "Mr. Potato Head" tactic, allowing him to interchange parts at will and adapt. There's also a joke in there somewhere about putting things in his backside, but it's too late in the day for me to think of it. But go ahead and laugh as if I made up something really funny. HIMATS TEAM (8), 16 MIle (1) Perhaps I should be more careful in my previews. I stated that both teams didn't like ties, and 16 Mile would suggest starting 0 players for the week so they could guarantee 0-0-9 and 4.5 points. I also said that Himat agreed. Who knew that 16 Mile would take that seriously and actually follow through?! Speaking of seriously, perhaps we should find where 16 Mile ran off to and make sure he's active. Himat was last seen snickering and prancing around in a dark corner of the Palace, smiling at his good fortunes, and even Warthog was fooled when predicting him to beat out the consitent Ralphies in Week 4. 16 Mile's team gets the weekly namby-pamby award for being afraid to start his good players, which would have ruined his 'I forgot to set my lineups' excuse for losing. I wouldn't normally give this award to the same team 2 weeks in a row, and Aurora's team was a good candidate (as any team with Morrison is), but the namby-pamby-ness simply could not be denied. Week 4 Preview: Warthog's Wackjobs (16-8-3) vs. Aurora Kimmie Lights (11-16-0) While this may look like a mismatch on paper, the Wackjobs have their work cut out for them this week. More than likely Warthog's team will handily win in 3-pointers, points, rebounds, and blocks, and Aurora's team can only count on victory in free-throw percentage. That, however, leaves 4 other categories up for grabs, and Aurora could walk away with a 5-4 victory if her team plays well and uses its extra 4 games ... or if she gets to distribute Boris Diaw's weight and Adam Morrison's mustache hairs among her weaker categories. Slippys Sandbaggers (15-12-0) vs. sprockets (18-9-0) Mathematically speaking, S^2 should have the advantage over S^1 this week. Realizing this, the sprocket protectors panic and try to compensate by adding/dropping players so they have 10 guys every night. Unfortunately the Sandbaggers lose as a result, but the sprockets are the real losers. In his panic, dba forgets that players go on waivers, and everyone has a field day picking up his starters, leaving him only with injured scrubs the rest of the season. Awesomeness...I hope (11-14-2) vs. Promise not to quit (10-16-1) Our match of the week features a fight for bragging rights as the most apprehensive, unconfident team in the league. One team hopes for the best...maybe, while the other assumes defeat. Hope...Despair...it's the Match of the Week, here on ABC!! Plan on both teams finding a way to lose 0-9, as Pandora's Box is opened and hope/despair fight to a standstill, and everyone loses. Tater's Terrors (11-15-1) vs. ball_future (14-13-0) This ought to be goooood. The injury-prone Darko huggers are clinging above .500, while the Terrors are still celebrating their upset victory (that *I* called, what do ya know??) over Chips. Both teams match up surprisingly well and the score may be close, but Tater gets the nod for putting the apostrophe in his team name. Also, I can't ever bet on Darko. Look for 2 or 3 injuries for bball's team this week. I'm still convinced that bball jay and 16 MIle are the same person, so look for a few trades like Zaza for D.Howard in the near future. 16 MIle (7-20-0) vs. ChipsOnPistons (15-11-1) Chips is still reeling from not making potato Chips out of the Taters. Lucky for him he gets to play the league doormat, who has also been do(o)rma(n)t most of the year. Yes, this matchup is so lopsided I resorted to that pun. Chips should have one of his better weeks anyway since the Pistons are playing 3 teams with no defense, but it won't matter if 16 Mile continues to start Jordan Farmar and Andrea Bargnani over Michael Redd and Dwight Howard. Hey, I'll gladly take those guys off your hands if you don't want them. 16 is the only team who is 0-3 in 4 categories, and should only count on winning the Turnover battle. Chips, sit back and enjoy the relaxing week. theRalphies (15-10-2) vs. HIMATS TEAM (14-13-0) Another great matchup. There isn't much separating the #3 and #7 teams in the league, so this 3/6 battle should be exciting. That's right, Ralphi is not #2 anymore, he is #3. That means one worse than #2. Meaning not better than the #2 team in the league. What team is that again? Oh that's right, Warthog's collection of studs. o_O Every category Ralph is strong in, so is Himat, and every category Ralph is weak in, so is Himat. Let's compare a few players to determine who is going to win (listed first is Ralphi, second is Himat). - Dwyane Wade vs. Baron Davis - soon-to-have injury problems vs. injury problems ... nod to Wade (Ralphi 1-0) - Ben Wallace vs. Camby - malcontent vs. mal-healthy ... nod to the traitor (Ralphi 2-0) - Antoine Walker vs. Kevin Garnett - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... (Himat 1-2) - Mehmet Okur vs. Paul Pierce - their positions don't match, and neither do their skills ... (Himat 2-2) - Szczerbiak/Dampier vs. Randolph/Martin - 4 players overachieving ... how long will it last? dunno ... (Ralphi/Himat 4-4) 4-4 ... we'll give the nod to Himat this week for successfully picking the only 2 NBA players with the letters I, O, U, D, and G in their last name. Himat 5-4.